ssshhhh!!!

I just watched a horrific programme on TV about the ever increasing incidents of gang rape in the UK - it was horrible to watch and my dad especially found it very disturbing and kept asking me to turn over. I guess its one thing to know it happens and another to hear these young girls describe their experiences.

One of the worst aspects was that these crimes were committed by young teenagers, some as young as 12 or 13, on girls just as young. To hear the violence and brutality was scary and what made it worse was the planning and the lack of conscience about these crimes that these young boys had, even some of the girls. Some men were so confused about the issue of consent and somehow the lines between rough sex and consent had become blurred. These young boys had no idea how intimidating they could appear to a young girl who may take their rough-housing and harshly playful attitude to mena she didnt have a choice.
Many of the young boys/men didnt care what the young girls thought.

As a victim of childhood sexual abuse I was morbidly fascinated by the programme. In some respects I could relate to these girls - who will never be the same again.
I know that some believe that its all a matter of mental strength,that these experiences and bad memories can be overcome but it just isnt so.
At least not for me.

I may have been a child. I may have only partial memories but what I do remember is vivid and dramatic though it sounds, its imprinted on my brain, my soul. I CANNOT forget.
I find thoughts of the childhood abuse creep into my mind at the most random times and it is, at the very least, a mood changing experience.

Over time it does become something you do not think about every day, maybe not even every week but then something will happen, random or seemingly unconnected, and the memories will come flooding back.

At the worst times I will have flashback when I will see what I saw then;the images are so vivid that its almost like I am back there, in that time.I feel like I could reach out and touch the sheets or look up and see the room I was in.

Nothing can explain this to someone who has not been through it and it is something we will live with all of our lives. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with it, some better than others but its all up to the individual and their unique cases.

As a Muslim woman from an ethnic background I find that these issues are totally ignored and often swept under the carpet,not to be spoken of or acknowledged in any way. This kind of attitude is a disgrace. What makes it much much worse is that in our communities, often a female victim of rape or sexual abuse will be ostracized or blamed in some way. HER reputation will suffer, people will gossip about HER - even though she had already been brutalised. She will be alone, to cope with it within her own house in her own way, she will probably never be married or even be able to mix freely as she did before.

Its totally disgusting and unacceptable. Islam does not teach us this, our religion is of understanding and acceptance - we should support our sisters in need. Instead we push them to the back, not to be seen or heard from, ignored if possible... even sometimes not allowing her to speak out against the grave injustice done to her or prosecute her attacker cos it will cause the family "shame" or cause the family "dishonour". A family who does this has no honour or dignity to tarnish and they should hang their heads in shame.
Their sin is almost as awful as the rapists.

I remember when I came out about my abuse - my mother was horrified but she supported me straight away but other members of the family questioned my memories and my truthfullness although I had given them no reason to. It wasnt until years later when my abuser admitted his crimes himself did they believe me.

Such behaviour must be avoided and in such cases the truth must be found - for the benefit of all. Abusers and rapists that are not brought to justice just go on to do it again - and next time is partly your fault as you did nothing about it.